Building a strong, supportive relationship with your child
Relationships play a vital role in a child’s social and emotional development. Parents and caregivers are a child’s first teacher and model the relationships they will form throughout their lives. Strong parent/caregiver and child relationships support positive mental health and well-being and help your child cope with challenges and recover from setbacks.
Positive parent/caregiver and child relationships provide trust and safety, and an opportunity to learn relationship, problem-solving, self-advocacy and self-regulation skills.
Why is it important to build a healthy relationship with my child?
When a parent or caregiver notices a child’s needs and responds positively, the child feels safe and better prepared for life’s challenges. Research shows that a positive and connected adult support figure helps children develop resilience.
What strategies will help me build a healthy relationship with my child?
There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to relationship building. Different strategies work for different families, children, and stages of development.
Try these relationship-building ideas with your family:
Find time to be present:
Try to set aside technology and spend at least 20 minutes of distraction-free time with your child daily.
- read together or play a game
- make art or take a walk
- engage in cultural practices or traditions
- for older teens, try a focused conversation while driving or riding transit
Look for opportunities to connect in your daily routine:
- Complete daily tasks together, prepare and eat meals as a family, and create end-of-day rituals like chats or bedtime stories.
Practice positive communication:
- Prioritize listening. Give your child your full attention when they speak. Take time to hear what they have to say and respond with patience.
- Offer words of encouragement; children thrive on positive attention.
- If your child isn’t ready to talk, tell them you’ll be there for them when the time is right.
- When they share a concern or feeling, use validation rather than jumping in with problem-solving.
What if I have a conflict with my child?
No relationship is entirely conflict-free. Learning how to resolve conflicts with a focus on relationship repair creates trusting and confident relationships and teaches problem-solving skills:
- Start with a self-check-in. How are you feeling? Are you calm and ready to talk?
- Invite your child to share their feelings and concerns before sharing yours. This shows you’re willing to understand their perspective versus jumping to conclusions.
- Express care and genuine intent to repair the relationship.
- Brainstorm possible solutions together, including potential consequences and what to do differently next time.
Note: Please see the PDF version for further descriptions and information
Helpful Resources
- Hold On to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers (2005) by Gordon Neufeld, Gabor Mate M.D.
- What to Say to Kids When Nothing Seems to Work: A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers (2020) by Adele Lafrance, Ashley P. Miller
- Find your local Public Health Unit
- Find an EarlyON Centre
- Growing into Your Role as a Parent
Hazel NA, Oppenheimer CW, Technow JR, Young JF, Hankin BL. Parent relationship quality buffers against the effect of peer stressors on depressive symptoms from middle childhood to adolescence. Developmental Psychology. 50(8):2115-23.