Balanced thinking
When we experience unhelpful thoughts about common stressful situations, like writing a test, we can use balanced thinking to notice, challenge and reframe these thoughts.
We all have unhelpful thoughts sometimes – about ourselves, our abilities, and events or situations. These thoughts can feel loud, and we might find ourselves caught in unhelpful thinking patterns. But just because we think it, that doesn’t mean these thoughts are true. In fact, these kinds of thoughts can add to our stress.
Balanced thinking isn’t the same as positive thinking. It’s fair and realistic thinking that looks at all aspects of a situation, not just one point of view.
Balanced thinking can help us interrupt unhelpful thoughts and respond to them with a perspective that’s more true and fair. This is important because our thoughts, emotions and actions all influence each other. Unhelpful thoughts can affect how we feel and what we do, sometimes making things feel even harder to deal with. But the good news is that responding to unhelpful thoughts with balanced thoughts can also shift how we feel and act, often in ways that are more beneficial to us and make things easier to manage. Check out the Thoughts, Emotions, Actions (TEA) Triangle for a helpful visual.
A diagram of a triangle labeled “Thoughts” at the top point, “Actions” at the bottom left, and “Emotions” at the bottom right. Bidirectional arrows connect the three words. Inside the triangle is an icon of a person standing, labeled “Context.”
The TEA Triangle also shows us that the context we live in matters, too. There may be parts of our culture, faith, identities, environment, life experiences and more that influence how we feel, think and act in situations.
Unhelpful thoughts that come from everyday sources of stress (like public speaking, taking tests, or trying out for a team) are examples of thoughts that we can challenge with balanced thinking to improve how we feel.
When we experience stress from identity-based experiences that are outside of our control, such as prejudice or discrimination, or when our thoughts feel too difficult or too big, balanced thinking may not be what we need. For those sources of stress, it’s important to seek support from trusted, caring adults like a parent/caregiver, faith or cultural leader, Elder, teacher or coach.
How to practice balanced thinking:
Stop unhelpful thoughts using S.O.S.
When you notice unhelpful thoughts happening, challenge them! S.O.S. is a helpful acronym that can be used to stop them:
Stop! – When you have an unhelpful thought, stop and give yourself a moment to address the thought.
Observe – Reflect on what you’re saying to yourself. Think about where your thoughts are coming from.
Shift – Replace the thought with something more balanced to help shift your thinking.
Try pushing back with more balanced thinking.
Check out a few examples of what balanced thinking can look like in action:
- Unhelpful thought: I should be better than I am.
Helpful thought: I don’t have to be perfect. No one is. I’m going to learn from my experiences instead of criticizing myself. - Unhelpful thought: My sibling or friend has much better grades and is more successful than I’ll be.
Helpful thought: My sibling/friend and I are different people and have had different experiences. It isn’t fair for me to compare us. - Unhelpful thought: Everyone in my class was judging me today when I was sharing out loud.
Helpful thought: I can’t read minds, and I know I don’t judge my classmates when they speak in front of the class. - Unhelpful thought: I’m never going to get the marks I need to pass this class. I’m going to fail.
Helpful thought: I’ll try my best and focus on learning rather than the marks. By studying, staying organized and taking care of myself, I’ll put myself in a position to do my best.
Like all new skills, balanced thinking takes practice. Here are some tips to help you get started:
- The next time you notice an unhelpful thought, try writing it down and then replacing it with a thought that is balanced. Remember to consider how this thought can be challenged with more fair and realistic thinking.
- Ask yourself: is there any evidence to support my thought? How likely is it? Is there another way to think about things? Are there other explanations or viewpoints?
- Consider what you would say to a friend. Most of us would never be friends with someone who spoke to us the way we sometimes speak to ourselves. We deserve compassion and support, too.
- As you continue to practice this, you may notice yourself start to automatically challenge unhelpful thoughts as they come up in your mind! Learning new skills can be difficult, so be kind to yourself and be kind to your mind.