Things I’d tell my teenage self
This post was written by Alina, our student engagement team coordinator, who works directly with the ThriveSMH student team.
Working remote with School Mental Health Ontario has allowed me to reflect on my high school days. The pandemic hit just as I was finishing post-secondary school. Like so many other people in their early-twenties, I went home to live with my parents in a city that I had once vowed never to return to.
Now, working remotely and choosing to stay in this city, I have mixed emotions. In some ways, I feel like I’m back in my teens – cleaning my room, enjoying my mom’s homemade food, and bickering with my brother. In other ways, I’ve been afforded the opportunity to mend my relationship with this city, make new friends, and strengthen old friendships.
I feel like I have been given a chance to reflect on my teen years, and so I wanted to share the lessons I have learned.
Three things I’d tell my teenage self
Check your ego at the door
This phrase comes from the gym. Think about lifting a heavy weight overhead. It’s important that you recognize your body’s limitations, you warm up, and make small jumps in weight all to protect yourself from injury. I’ve learned that this applies a lot to my personal mental health. It’s okay and important to recognize when you need a break, to ask for help, to take small steps to feeling mentally well. Some days I might lift 100lbs, other days just 50lbs. Some days the world is my oyster, and other days I need to talk to someone about the weight on my shoulders. The journey is never linear.
You’re not as awkward as you think
I’m an overthinker. Always worried that all eyes are on me when I misstep and fall down the stairs; worried that my internal monologue is on loudspeaker to everyone that I cross paths with. I’m learning that this is not the case. While my mind is racing with thoughts, others see an inquisitive and questioning expression and apply their own interpretation onto it. So, I tell myself now to take a breath and believe in myself. Every person is going to evaluate me based on their own biases and frames of reference – for some, I’m awkward, for others I’m confident. But I know that I’m never as awkward as I think I am.
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
Cheesy right? But true. I learned this in university while I was working at an enrichment camp for high school students. This was the motto of the camp. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I wasn’t so scared to talk to classmates or if I didn’t thrust myself into school, extracurriculars, and working part-time and took the time to “smell the roses,” even if that meant stepping into the dirt along the way. As I got older, I began to place more emphasis on growth than comfort and I’m learning to find enjoyment in a new challenge. Notice that this says, “at the end of your comfort zone” not “in your uncomfortable zone”. See, if I’m too uncomfortable, I can never have fun or learn because I’m too stressed or scared to focus on anything else. Growth is all about manageable small steps.
My high school experience is just one of many. So, I asked my friends what they would say to their teenage selves, and this is what they shared:
- Be different, be vibrant, be you
- It’s okay to talk to your parents/caregivers about stuff
- People being mean says more about them than you; bullies lack what you have, don’t change because of them
- Take advantage of the opportunities that come your way; as a different friend put it, you miss 100% of the opportunities you don’t take
- Put your time and energy into things that truly matter to you, chances are the things that are expensive, and trendy won’t matter in a few years
- Learn how to manage your money well ( 3/5 people I asked said this!)
- Explore, there is a whole world out there waiting for you
- Give back and pay it forward
- Always choose kindness; you never know what someone else is going through
- Teen years are hard, but it gets easier as you learn and grow
- Stretch, do yoga, and take care of your body
- Events and moments are way better memories in your mind than on your phone; don’t be that person
- Invest in yourself, a bed, a bike, and a good group of friends
- Be the reason you smile every day, don’t expect anyone else to do it
Initially I was planning to share just 10 things, but the list quickly grew. I couldn’t bring myself to cut it down because all of these points resonated with me in different moments of the day, month, and year. Not everything in this post will resonate for you. But I hope that something on this list makes you feel empowered.