Caring for yourself while caring for others – a parent’s guide to self-care
Raising children is both rewarding and challenging. As a parent/caregiver, it’s normal to struggle with conflicting feelings of love and gratitude, guilt and self-criticism. Time restraints, scheduling, financial responsibilities and juggling multiple needs at home are just a few of the many demands parents/caregivers experience.
The good news is that by acknowledging and accepting that parenting can be challenging, you take the first step in prioritizing your mental health to ensure your own well-being.
Many parents and caregivers feel pressure to meet an idealized version of “good parenting,” as portrayed in the media. This leads to comparisons, questioning, and criticizing your own parenting.
What is self-compassion?
Like the “oxygen mask” analogy, you must care for yourself before you can genuinely care for others. Yet, putting ourselves first can be difficult.
Self-compassion is not:
- self-pity
- self-centred
- about removing difficulties in your life
Self-compassion is:
- noticing we are suffering or feeling bad
- accepting we are human and, therefore, imperfect
- being intentional about helping ourselves
Why are self-compassion and self-care important?
The practice of self-compassion and self-care can:
- provide a foundation of kindness, strength, self-forgiveness, accountability and confidence
- help reduce stress and improve mental health and overall well-being
How can practicing self-compassion help?
Self-compassion:
- helps us cope with stress
- helps us take responsibility for our actions and reflect on our needs
- allows a break from the pressure of “being perfect”
- leads to positive parent-child attachments with better outcomes for children
- models self-compassion and self-care to your child
How can I practice mindful self-compassion?
Ask yourself these five questions every day:
- How am I feeling today?
- What’s been worrying me lately?
- Am I providing my body with its basic needs?
- What am I doing to bring myself joy?
- Who do I have in my corner, and who are my supports?
Get to know yourself better by doing a self-check for self–compassion.
Ask yourself:
- Do I have triggers and stressors that make me react versus respond to my child?
- Am I self-critical?
- Do I compare my parenting style to others?
- Do I use a negative or positive tone and language when talking to myself?
- Do I have trouble forgiving myself for mistakes?
How can I practice self-care?
Intentional self-care is any activity that brings joy, peace, and mental and physical wellness. Some examples include:
- staying connected to others
- practicing gratitude
- choosing healthier foods when possible
- getting enough sleep when possible
- physical activity
- setting personal goals
Look for parent/caregiver supports in your community.
Parenting is a team sport. Engaging with personal and professional community supports is an essential part of self-care.
If you are experiencing concerns about your mental health, you can speak to your family doctor and/or contact ConnexOntario to learn more about services in your area (1-866-531-2600).
Note: Please see the PDF version for further descriptions and information
Helpful resources
- What is Self-Compassion?
- Kristin Neff: The 3 Components of Self-Compassion
Exploring the Meaning of Self-Compassion and Its Importance. (n.d.). https://self-compassion.org/what-is-self-compassion/#what-is-self-compassion
Opinion | Surgeon General: We Must Help Stressed-Out Parents – The New York Times. (n.d.). https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/28/opinion/surgeon-general-stress-parents.html?unlocked_article_code=1.GU4.S_UV._LQOgX5BhAXf&smid=url-share